ADHD Educator, Speaker and High-performance Coach On a mission to improve the self-acceptance and outcomes for Those with ADHD.
I knew there was “something wrong with me” for years.
I also knew something was “wrong” with my daughter, who was diagnosed with ADHD/ASD at 22, but everyone told me everything was fine.
I was overreacting.
I thought it was her bad behaviour and my bad parenting.
It was neither.
I was an undiagnosed mother raising an undiagnosed daughter, and it was lonely as hell for both of us.
This Is My ADHD Story
This Is What Makes Me, Me…
“I do hope Kim overcomes her inability to exercise self-discipline. She has a lovely personality, and it is a pity that this is not always seen. Her academic efforts have continued to be inconsistent, while her conduct has often been disruptive. Seven minor misconduct reports were issued. Is it too late to hope for improvement?”
Troublemaker
I wasn’t your typical little girl; I was loud and untamed, more like a boy.
Sat bored in class, I’d get this surge of energy I didn’t know what to do with, until without a healthy outlet, I’d say or do something stupid that landed me in trouble.
I had friends and lots of fun, but I was known as a troublemaker, the sort of girl your mum didn’t want you hanging around with.
Despite having loving, kind, intelligent parents who taught me good values and manners, I couldn’t behave myself. The shame of which stayed with me for many years.
I was a party animal, always looking for a buzz, chasing the next dopamine hit, wherever that might come from drink, drugs, risky behaviour, anything to avoid feeling bored, or even normal.
Life had to be fast.
Time To Grow Up
Having my daughter my life. The love was instant, but parenting skills weren’t.
At 26, I was still in party mode and ill-equipped to be a mum. The responsibility for another human being was a shock.
I was guilt-ridden trying to balance motherhood, adulting and work. I felt overwhelmed, alone and lost.
The hyperactivity in female ADHD is often internal. For me, this showed up as always wanting to move on or work on the next idea. Even watching my children play, I struggled to be present.
My mind was always racing with ideas, problems, and solutions… negative or positive, it was always on the go, buzzing, planning and creating. I couldn’t switch it off.
Being a mother is where I regret not knowing about my ADHD the most. Raising my children with undiagnosed ADHD was a white-knuckle ride for all of us at times.
Thank goodness for my calm, laid-back husband.
What The Hell’s Wrong With Me?
I have always struggled with my boom-or-bust energy. As a child, mum said I’d suddenly stop and sleep for 24 hours, then off I’d go again. But in my 40’s my energy became a lot more bust than boom, and burnout set in.
Like so many working mums, I was always first up and last to bed. Burning the midnight oil to build my business, skidding my way through the demands of motherhood…World book days, easter bonnet parades and all the other BS appearances we must try and keep up with. I’d wake up in the night with my heart and mind racing. My to-do list overwhelmed me the moment I opened my eyes.
My peri-menopause kicked in, and things shifted. Rather than three decent weeks and one bad one, it was 3 tough weeks and a few good days. I felt out of control. My mind was foggy, and I couldn’t concentrate on anything for long, struggling to make simple decisions. I was impulsive, my brain bounced all over the place, and I couldn’t see anything through.
My life was a series of loose ends and half-finished projects. “What’s wrong with me?” had become my mantra.
I felt like a complete failure most of the time!
Holy Sh*t, I’ve Got ADHD
I was shocked when my client told me she had been diagnosed with ADHD.
This lady wasn’t crazy, far from lazy and was nothing like the hyperactive stereotype I associated ADHD with. She was intelligent, focused, charismatic and extremely successful.
ADHD? No way!
I got my diagnosis four years later, in December 2021.
I cried for the first time when I read the Psychiatrist’s report. Laid out in black and white were all the times things had been hard, and I’d assumed it was me.
All the times I’d told myself it was because I was weak, lazy, bad, stupid, greedy, or not enough. All the times I’d been told I was too emotional, over-sensitive, lazy, dramatic, the list goes on.
I tucked the report away and kept it to myself for a while, sharing it only with a few people I knew I wouldn’t have to defend myself against and answer relentless questions about why I think I have ADHD.
I wasn’t in the head space to fight the many opinions people have on ADHD.
Lose The Label, Wear The Badge
Despite the relief and validation my diagnosis had given me, I was still working through the coming “out” phase and felt nervous about ridicule, judgment and what people would say.
At the same time, I was getting messages from women who were sure they or a child had ADHD but were afraid to get a diagnosis for fear of the “label.
It was during a business retreat in LA it suddenly hit me how many of my high-achieving peers and clients were neurodiverse. I saw the phenomenal things we had achieved, maybe not despite our ADHD but because of it. The tenacity, drive, bravery, and relentless hyperfocus helped us run multi-figure businesses and lead extraordinary lives.
My daughter had just been diagnosed at 22, and I didn’t want her, my granddaughter, clients or anyone going through life believing ADHD is something to be ashamed of. I wanted to help them create extraordinary lives they can live on their terms by losing the ADHD label, leaning into their strengths and wearing the ADHD badge!
I See You
So that’s me, and I suspect that some of what you have read is you, too, because sadly, I know my story isn’t that unusual.
I get it.
I know about the exhaustion from the insatiable drive that never lets you slow down, the meltdowns and the burnouts.
I know we thrive under pressure but regularly crash and need to withdraw from the world.
And I understand how the fear of another failed attempt and our sensitivity to rejection, criticism & and judgment can hold us back. I know, too, that we often gaslight ourselves into thinking we just aren’t good enough and need to try harder, which is like telling someone with one foot glued to the floor to jump higher.
And whilst I am not in the camp that believes that ADHD is a superpower, I know that there is much our creative, ingenious brains have to offer that enables us to fly higher and further in life and business than we sometimes allow ourselves!
Are You Ready To Step Up?
Get in touch and let me give you a hand…
But Underneath It All…
I am the undomesticated wife of my best friend, Neil. Very proud mum of Jordan & Freddie and besotted nanny to Amaiyah, my ray of sunshine.
I LOVE human beings. I love hearing their stories and understanding what makes them tick. Then helping them to get what they want.
I partied HARD, too hard! But I would do it all again in a heartbeat.
I am petrified of heights, but once did a Bungee Jump, thinking it would cure me. It didn’t. I am still scared of heights, but I now know fear is all in the mind, and all that holds me back is my thoughts.
At 21, just out of a 4-year relationship, I bought myself a ticket to Asia and Australia and headed off on my own for a year. I landed in Hong Kong and burst into tears…it was the most amazing year of my life!
We lived in Javea, Spain, for 5 years when the kids were young. I have never been so broke! They were some of our best days!
Walking, Music and Meditation are my saviours.
My Dad was a fireman; my brother is now – I am super proud of that fact.
My mum is the kindest person I know. I am a much kinder person thanks to her!
Who I Am Today…
I think who I am today is best explained through my values.
Now in my 50’s I am certain of who I am, what I want and most importantly, my right to have it!
01
Freedom
Freedom is so important to me. The freedom to be your authentic self and live your truth. The freedom to say what you want and be who and how you are. Also the freedom to go and explore, experiment and make mistakes.
02
Truth
Truth is about being proud of who you are. Holding your space. Speaking up. Being bold and brave. Being heard. Owning your shiz and speaking honestly.
03
Love
For myself, my family, mankind and all creatures of the earth. A mutual respect and honour for the rights of all beings. Honesty, openness, vulnerability. Just love.
04
Connection
With family members and strangers, building communities and places full of love, understanding & and support. Having fun, smiling to the world at every opportunity. Laughing & laughing and laughing. Social interaction, smiles, giggles and kindness.